Recent Changes

Reflection Letter
This project has been fun and informative because it got me thinking about my writing and what it's strengths and weaknesses are. I am glad I got the chance to revisit a piece of writing that I am so fond of and perfect it even more, and that I got to get back to my childhood love of writing "sequels". I think it has given me the opportunity to grow as a writer in that I think more consciously now about what I am writing and why, and how I can improve it. I have rekindled my passion for short story writing, and feel that my story writing skills have improved even since last semester, because this semester I constantly have the opportunity to think about my writing and talk to others about what they think about it through this assignment. Now, because of what this project has brought back to life for me, I will continue to work on my stories involving the characters my group enjoyed so much and work towards making the stories into a book or book series. I don't know if I will seek publication, but if nothing else, this book will serve as a way to continue to sharpen my writing skills. I can see how a portfolio like this would be beneficial for my students because it helped me so much, just to think about my writing and what its purpose is. I especially liked doing the writing territories. It was a fun, eye opening activity and I think it would be good for my future students because it shows just how much they write on a daily basis without thinking about it. It would also be a good assignment for future students because it is always good for students to see improvement in their writing from semester to semester, year to year, and to peer edit as we did. This builds confidence in writing and gives you valuable feedback from peers about your writing.

Common Spelling Mistakes in My Writing
character
resturant restaurant
category
pieces
necasssarynecessarily
through
conscious
especially
committed
definitely
foreign
exist
jewelry
neighbor
license
vacuum
weather
weird
rhythm

Editing Checksheet
Common mistakes in my writing...
Correct grammar surrounding dialogue and quotations.
Spelling errors.
Borderline run on sentences...sometimes my sentences are too long and would be better split up into two shorter sentences that are stronger.
Formatting, such as putting titles in italics.
Silly mistakes that could be caught by more through proofreading!

“No thank you darling. It was my pleasure working with you. Really. You gave me more than you’ll ever know.” Gladys pulled away and Chloe looked up to see her grandmother smiling at her from across the room.
Final Draft Plus Chapter 1 of Book Two
(Revisions include added dialogue, word choice changes and other minor proofreading fixes that also help show more of the relationships in the story, plus a new chapter for a "sequel" with the same characters.)
Plum not Puce
For what seemed like the umpteenth time today, Chloe dug through her oversized purse to find her Blackberry before the entire “L” car could manage to find out that she was, in fact, the one with the “Here Comes the Bride” ringtone that had been annoying them. She rummaged through the pink tote, finding everything but her cell phone. Some lip gloss, tissues, the new Phillipa Gregory hardcover, a baggie of almonds she always kept for a snack, Tylenol, a tampon, some stray bobby pins, about a million pens, her ridiculous key ring that held more key chains then actual keys, the September issue of Brides, a bottle of water, about eighty two thousand Post it Notes all with scribbles of ideas and lists for the wedding, her planner, bursting at the seams with more notes for the wedding, and the ribbon from the box of chocolates Mark had given her the day before. And at the very bottom…wait…could it be…yes!!! After what seemed an eternity of digging, Chloe triumphantly pulled her Blackberry from her purse as if it had been buried treasure. Before answering it, she quickly looked around to see if anyone on the train had noticed her treasure hunt for the source of the annoying ringtone. Only one elderly woman had looked up, the rest of the passengers had ear buds shoved into their ears or were too busy texting or reading their newspapers to have noticed. The elderly woman just gave her a warm smile and went back to her crossword puzzle. Awww she must be happily married…must be a long time…bet she remembers what it was like… I wonder if she had a wedding planner…Suddenly, “Here Comes the Bride” began to play over again and Chloe snapped out of her day dream, quickly pressed the “send” button, and put the phone to her ear pushing back her espresso colored waves.

Point of View- very good
What should the writer do next?
Amelia Bedelia
What parts are confusing?
I wasn’t confused.
What would you like to know more about?
How awkward it was for Chloe to deal with Gladys. What you have is funny, but I would like to see more development.
Does the writing answer the question “so what?” What is the purpose?
The purpose is to show how important family is, and a concept similar to paying it forward.
Are there enough specifics to support the theme, argument, or purpose?
yes it is touching and funny at the same time!
Is the writing honest?
Yes it shows emotion and is still entertaining.
Will the writing make a reader think and feel? Will the reader want to continue to read?
Yes, but as I suggested, I would try to develop the relationships out a little more. See where you can go with this. Try out making this a longer story- maybe.
What’s the strongest, most satisfying part of the work, and how can the writer build on it?
Humor! The character, Gladys, is very comical.
Are there any comments about the following?
Setting- I’m not from Chicago, so I didn’t know what the L car was.
Character- the intro shows us a lot about Chloe, love the detail about her ring tone
Dialogue- good dialogue, but I would add more background story of the relationships between all of these people so we understand the connections a little easier
Action and Sequence- Good job tying everything together without being confusing
Word Choice- add some description in the dialogue tags. Instead of “Dialogue.” She said as she smiled, try “Dialogue.” She said as she smiled, knowing how happy she had made both Gladys and her Grandmother.
Point of View?
I wouldn’t change this. I wouldn’t like it from a different point of view.
What should the writer do next?
The only real piece of advice I have is that when I read this, I felt like I was reading a summary. I wanted to know more about the characters, more about the awkwardness between Gladys and Chloe, etc. I think it would be great if this could (one day) become a novel. : )

Reaction and Photo
{photo.JPG} Sarah, Amanda and I meeting to critique each others writing in the library.
When our writing group met to discuss our work, I was pleasantly surprised at how much my group members enjoyed the characters in my story. I came with several pieces of writing and they liked Plum not Puce the best because of the character I had created with Gladys. Before we met, I had planned on just adding to the original story to make it stronger. Then, when my group suggested I run with the idea of Gladys being a comical but harmless "Amelia Bedilia" type character, I couldn't help but think what it would be like to put these characters in a new situation where hilarity could ensue. I thought about what might happen if after the main characters had been married for a while and began work on a "sequel" just as I had done when I was younger. In this sequel, I imagine what it would be like if Gladys was left in charge of the couple's newborn. I have written the first chapter of this "sequel" so far and posted it to this wiki. So far its been fun to write, and I thank my group members for inspiring me to expand on my story.

Peer CommentaryCommentaryAmanda Sydnor and Sarah Drake
What is important to thisthe story?
Good details, its subtly comical and has a vivid image of Gladys
What type of story would you say this is right now?
What sort of storyit? What is it to be?
What does it need to do in order
Fictional narrative, the start to a book
How would the writer get there?
To make it into a book, add more about Gladys' character, more background about characters in general.
What is the basic situation?
HowMarriage
How is this basicthe situation being advanced andor complicated?
Are there other possibilities for advancement/complication?
Gladys!
What rules does the storydoe s it follow?
Ties everything in well at the end. Has nice chronological order.
What rules does it violate?
What expectations does it satisfy?None.
What expectations does itthe story satisfy and not satisfy?
What traditions does
Ties everything together well, good imagery and dialogue. Could add tone to dialogue to distinguish between Chloe and Gladys.
Traditions?
Narrative, this tradition makes it fall into?
What do you think of this tradition?a really strong start to exapand or make it longer, it could be a novel.
What are itsthe goals, methods, strengths, shortcomings, etc.?strengths,etc. of the story?
Clever how all the details come up again. The reader has to pay attention to "get" all of the details, and that is nice. Amanda says this quality is "Nabokov-esqe".
What stylistic or structural changes could you makebe changed to creategive a different stylistic effect?
Write from other peoples perspective, maybe Gladys. Tones again, it would be funny if included a scene where the awkwardness between Gladys and Chloe, and the Grandma really came out.
What parts are confusing?
Nothing, it had a really good beginning, middle and end.
What would you like to know more about?
Was Chole calling her grandma and complaining about Gladys? Her calling and checking on the wedding plans at the end seems a little out there.
Does the writing answer the question “so what?” What is the purpose?
Yes, the insanity of wedding planning!
Are there enough specifics to support the theme, argument, or purpose?
Yes, the vivid detail, plus how those details can go wrong!
Is the writing honest?
Very honest, and very believable
Will the writing make a reader think and feel? Will the reader want to continue to read?
What’s the strongest, most satisfying part of the work, andWe felt sympathy for all parties: Chole for being a chaotic stressed bride/ but also Gladys so is completely oblivious to how can the writer build on it?she is potentially messing things up
Are there any comments about the following?
Setting
Character
DialogueSetting- not a lot of description, but just enough to give an idea of where they are
Character-AWESOME DESCRIPTION
Dialogue- well done, and relatable to the story
Tone and MoodMood- reaches out to the reader, so they feel for the characters
Action and SequenceSequence- great use of organization
Simile and MetaphorMetaphor- none
Word ChoiceChoice- We really like the use of "hijack"
Point of ViewView- very good
What should the writer do next?
If you really want to turn things like this into a book, venture into ideas of Gladys… similar to the children’s books about Amelia Bedelia

PlumPlum not Puce
First Draft
For what seemed like the umpteenth time today, Chloe dug through her oversized purse to find her Blackberry before the entire “L” car could manage to find out that she was, in fact the one with the “Here Comes the Bride” ringtone that had been annoying them. She rummaged through the pink tote, finding everything but her cell phone. Some lip gloss, tissues, the new Phillipa Gregory hardcover, a baggie of almonds she always kept for a snack, Tylenol, a tampon, some stray bobby pins, about a million pens, her ridiculous key ring that held more key chains then actual keys, the September issue of Brides, a bottle of water, about eighty two thousand Post it Notes all with scribbles of ideas and lists for the wedding, her planner, bursting at the seams with more notes for the wedding, and the ribbon from the box of chocolates Mark had given her the day before. And at the very bottom…wait…could it be…yes!!! After what seemed an eternity of digging, Chloe triumphantly pulled her Blackberry from her purse as if it had been buried treasure. Before answering it, she quickly looked around to see if anyone on the train had noticed her treasure hunt for the source of the annoying ringtone. Only one elderly woman had looked up, the rest of the passengers had ear buds shoved into their ears or were too busy texting or reading their newspapers to have noticed. The elderly woman just gave her a warm smile and went back to her crossword puzzle. Awww she must be happily married…must be a long time…bet she remembers what it was like… I wonder if she had a wedding planner…Suddenly, “Here Comes the Bride” began to play over again and Chloe snapped out of her day dream, quickly pressed the “send” button, and put the phone to her ear pushing back her espresso colored waves.
Final Draft Plus Chapter 1 of Book Two
Plum not Puce
it be…yes!!! AfterAfter what seemed
“Hello?” she answered. “Hi ya Honey! I just had another question for you, wanted to make sure that you had said puce for the flowers…that is what you said right?” The voice on the other end was that of her over the top wedding planner, Gladys. She was practically screaming into the phone and Chloe had to move it away from her ear just to make out what she was saying. What is puce exactly?
“No, I said they should be purple. Not puce. Actually, I’m not even sure if I know what puce looks like…”
“Yes honey. It was me. Every time I called the vendors to check up on Gladys though, they said you had called too!” She laughed. “You didn’t need to worry honey!”
Tears had come to Chloe’s eyes. “Thank you grandma.” Was all she could muster. They embraced and as she pulled away wiping her tears, Grandma noticed the cake. She pointed at the puce flower and laughed. “I guess Gladys left an impression with the bakery though! Sorry honey! What color is that anyways!? Its…interesting…”
thank Gladys! WithWith that, she
“No thank you darling. It was my pleasure working with you. Really. You gave me more than you’ll ever know.” Gladys pulled away and Chloe looked up to see her grandmother smiling at her from across the room.
Book II
“Maybe you are right, I’m sure they will be fine, and we do need this.” I smiled at him. “I just keep remembering the wedding.” I said shaking my head.
“Well, you know how our wedding turned out.” Mark said. “Perfect. You said so yourself. So Gladys and Liam will be fine. It’s only a couple of days.” He squeezed my hand as we walked into the airport.
nursery painted puce…puce…"