What is important to the story? Good details, its subtly comical and has a vivid image of Gladys What type of story is it? What is it trying to be?
Fictional narrative, the start to a book How would the writer get there? To make it into a book, add more about Gladys' character, more background about characters in general. What is the basic situation?
Marriage How is the situation advanced or complicated?
Gladys! What rules doe s it follow?
Ties everything in well at the end. Has nice chronological order. What rules does it violate?
None. What expectations does the story satisfy and not satisfy?
Ties everything together well, good imagery and dialogue. Could add tone to dialogue to distinguish between Chloe and Gladys. Traditions? Narrative, this tradition makes it a really strong start to exapand or make it longer, it could be a novel. What are the goals, methods, strengths,etc. of the story?
Clever how all the details come up again. The reader has to pay attention to "get" all of the details, and that is nice. Amanda says this quality is "Nabokov-esqe". What could be changed to give a different stylistic effect?
Write from other peoples perspective, maybe Gladys. Tones again, it would be funny if included a scene where the awkwardness between Gladys and Chloe, and the Grandma really came out. What parts are confusing?
Nothing, it had a really good beginning, middle and end. What would you like to know more about?
Was Chole calling her grandma and complaining about Gladys? Her calling and checking on the wedding plans at the end seems a little out there. Does the writing answer the question “so what?” What is the purpose?
Yes, the insanity of wedding planning! Are there enough specifics to support the theme, argument, or purpose?
Yes, the vivid detail, plus how those details can go wrong! Is the writing honest?
Very honest, and very believable Will the writing make a reader think and feel? Will the reader want to continue to read?
We felt sympathy for all parties: Chole for being a chaotic stressed bride/ but also Gladys so is completely oblivious to how she is potentially messing things up Are there any comments about the following?
Setting- not a lot of description, but just enough to give an idea of where they are
Character-AWESOME DESCRIPTION
Dialogue- well done, and relatable to the story
Tone and Mood- reaches out to the reader, so they feel for the characters
Action and Sequence- great use of organization
Simile and Metaphor- none
Word Choice- We really like the use of "hijack"
Point of View- very good What should the writer do next?
If you really want to turn things like this into a book, venture into ideas of Gladys… similar to the children’s books about Amelia Bedelia What parts are confusing? I wasn’t confused.
What would you like to know more about? How awkward it was for Chloe to deal with Gladys. What you have is funny, but I would like to see more development. Does the writing answer the question “so what?” What is the purpose? The purpose is to show how important family is, and a concept similar to paying it forward.
Are there enough specifics to support the theme, argument, or purpose? yes it is touching and funny at the same time!
Is the writing honest? Yes it shows emotion and is still entertaining.
Will the writing make a reader think and feel? Will the reader want to continue to read? Yes, but as I suggested, I would try to develop the relationships out a little more. See where you can go with this. Try out making this a longer story- maybe.
What’s the strongest, most satisfying part of the work, and how can the writer build on it? Humor! The character, Gladys, is very comical.
Are there any comments about the following? Setting- I’m not from Chicago, so I didn’t know what the L car was. Character- the intro shows us a lot about Chloe, love the detail about her ring tone Dialogue- good dialogue, but I would add more background story of the relationships between all of these people so we understand the connections a little easier Action and Sequence- Good job tying everything together without being confusing Word Choice- add some description in the dialogue tags. Instead of “Dialogue.” She said as she smiled, try “Dialogue.” She said as she smiled, knowing how happy she had made both Gladys and her Grandmother. Point of View? I wouldn’t change this. I wouldn’t like it from a different point of view.
What should the writer do next? The only real piece of advice I have is that when I read this, I felt like I was reading a summary. I wanted to know more about the characters, more about the awkwardness between Gladys and Chloe, etc. I think it would be great if this could (one day) become a novel. : )
What is important to the story?
Good details, its subtly comical and has a vivid image of Gladys
What type of story is it? What is it trying to be?
Fictional narrative, the start to a book
How would the writer get there?
To make it into a book, add more about Gladys' character, more background about characters in general.
What is the basic situation?
Marriage
How is the situation advanced or complicated?
Gladys!
What rules doe s it follow?
Ties everything in well at the end. Has nice chronological order.
What rules does it violate?
None.
What expectations does the story satisfy and not satisfy?
Ties everything together well, good imagery and dialogue. Could add tone to dialogue to distinguish between Chloe and Gladys.
Traditions?
Narrative, this tradition makes it a really strong start to exapand or make it longer, it could be a novel.
What are the goals, methods, strengths,etc. of the story?
Clever how all the details come up again. The reader has to pay attention to "get" all of the details, and that is nice. Amanda says this quality is "Nabokov-esqe".
What could be changed to give a different stylistic effect?
Write from other peoples perspective, maybe Gladys. Tones again, it would be funny if included a scene where the awkwardness between Gladys and Chloe, and the Grandma really came out.
What parts are confusing?
Nothing, it had a really good beginning, middle and end.
What would you like to know more about?
Was Chole calling her grandma and complaining about Gladys? Her calling and checking on the wedding plans at the end seems a little out there.
Does the writing answer the question “so what?” What is the purpose?
Yes, the insanity of wedding planning!
Are there enough specifics to support the theme, argument, or purpose?
Yes, the vivid detail, plus how those details can go wrong!
Is the writing honest?
Very honest, and very believable
Will the writing make a reader think and feel? Will the reader want to continue to read?
We felt sympathy for all parties: Chole for being a chaotic stressed bride/ but also Gladys so is completely oblivious to how she is potentially messing things up
Are there any comments about the following?
Setting- not a lot of description, but just enough to give an idea of where they are
Character-AWESOME DESCRIPTION
Dialogue- well done, and relatable to the story
Tone and Mood- reaches out to the reader, so they feel for the characters
Action and Sequence- great use of organization
Simile and Metaphor- none
Word Choice- We really like the use of "hijack"
Point of View- very good
What should the writer do next?
If you really want to turn things like this into a book, venture into ideas of Gladys… similar to the children’s books about Amelia Bedelia
What parts are confusing?
I wasn’t confused.
What would you like to know more about?
How awkward it was for Chloe to deal with Gladys. What you have is funny, but I would like to see more development.
Does the writing answer the question “so what?” What is the purpose?
The purpose is to show how important family is, and a concept similar to paying it forward.
Are there enough specifics to support the theme, argument, or purpose?
yes it is touching and funny at the same time!
Is the writing honest?
Yes it shows emotion and is still entertaining.
Will the writing make a reader think and feel? Will the reader want to continue to read?
Yes, but as I suggested, I would try to develop the relationships out a little more. See where you can go with this. Try out making this a longer story- maybe.
What’s the strongest, most satisfying part of the work, and how can the writer build on it?
Humor! The character, Gladys, is very comical.
Are there any comments about the following?
Setting- I’m not from Chicago, so I didn’t know what the L car was.
Character- the intro shows us a lot about Chloe, love the detail about her ring tone
Dialogue- good dialogue, but I would add more background story of the relationships between all of these people so we understand the connections a little easier
Action and Sequence- Good job tying everything together without being confusing
Word Choice- add some description in the dialogue tags. Instead of “Dialogue.” She said as she smiled, try “Dialogue.” She said as she smiled, knowing how happy she had made both Gladys and her Grandmother.
Point of View?
I wouldn’t change this. I wouldn’t like it from a different point of view.
What should the writer do next?
The only real piece of advice I have is that when I read this, I felt like I was reading a summary. I wanted to know more about the characters, more about the awkwardness between Gladys and Chloe, etc. I think it would be great if this could (one day) become a novel. : )